How To Keep Your Relationship Strong When You Have Kids

We all live for those magical moments of joy and celebration of love in its highest form, a child. However, when the obligations rise, life starts to change, whether you want it or not, and your relationship with it. So, here you are in the middle of happiness and chaos, wondering if you can ever bring back what you had with your partner. But let me tell you, this is the perfect time to step back and remember that all of this started because of one person - your partner.

Behind the image of a strong and happy parent is an exhausted mom or dad waiting to hug the bed instead of the partner at the end of the day. So, it's totally fine that you need a good sleep after an exhausting day of cleaning, doing the dishes, taking baths, changing diapers, and cooking meals. Just the thought of doing the same routine tomorrow is exhausting! You probably don't even have the time to think about yourself, let alone sex. But it's in these moments when life's little pleasures can do a lot! It's always the right time to reignite the fire with your partner, so the real question is how to get back the suppressed spark? Here are some tips on how you can do that.

Redefine intimacy

In every healthy relationship, intimacy is so much more than sexual pleasure. Growing toddlers is exhausting and requires a lot of patience and energy, especially if it's done mostly by one of the partners. To find a way to get more intimate with your partner, try doing the responsibilities together or as equally as possible. Don't leave the burden to one side only. Doing things together will also help you stay emotionally closer and help you connect on a deeper level. The real intimacy is in the small everyday things.

Take a break

Finding time for yourself is a real struggle when you have kids. You've just woken up, and before you realize it, it's bedtime again, so you've probably contemplated running away and getting a break in your head a few times. It's crucial to be honest and talk things through with your partner during these moments. When you've had enough for the day or week, step aside and take some solo time to relax or do something you enjoy. Only when you're healthy, well, and happy will you be a good partner for your spouse and a good parent for your kids.

Don't forget to communicate

No matter how long and well you know each other, it's always easier to communicate your needs or feelings rather than being angry. Being a parent with all those responsibilities puts a lot of pressure on people, and everyone reacts differently to it. Often, the things we don't say end up speaking louder through our actions, so take note of these nonverbal signs and react. Always acknowledge and verbalize your partner's effort and be grateful for the things they've done. Make them feel supported and appreciated for their work, and you'll notice the positive emotional cues straight away.

Make time for yourself

The first five years of your kids' lives will be the most demanding. It's the time when the kids are dependable, so you need to be present in every activity they do. During this period, it's essential that you don't forget about yourself and your wellbeing. Whether it's a 30-minute coffee break on the porch, yoga, or a quick chat with your friends, you need to do something that makes you happy. Parents convey their energy to the children and channel their emotions, so take time to fill your batteries and embrace the things that make you happy.

While you're at it, make sure that your partner has his own time off too. You are together on this journey, so easing the pressure from time to time is beneficial for your relationship.

Sneak out and make out

When was the last time you did something adventurous with your partner? Sounds tempting, right? So why not do it? Once a month (at least), find a couple of hours for just the two of you. If you can find someone to take care of your kids for a whole night, even better! You can take a trip where you first met, have a romantic dinner, spice things in the bedroom with something new like strap-ons for couples, or just enjoy cuddling all night. Do things that will strengthen your relationship and keep your partner emotionally invested. Don't lose yourself and your spark among the responsibilities. Take your time and cherish these moments of romance.

Grow together

If you find yourself in a situation where you think you've had enough, remember it's just a phase. Your relationship and marriage will have ups and downs, but you must remember that it's all relative. Once the kids grow up and become independent, you will have more time to enjoy each other again. Meanwhile, there will be obstacles pushing you forward and making you a stronger couple, appreciating the life you created together.

 
Final thoughts

Remember, a healthy relationship takes commitment, work, and adapting. Try to make it work because your marriage matters to your children, not only to you and your partner. If it's any consolation, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Regardless of how your marriage or sex life is doing, there is always someone to talk with, so don’t feel ashamed of it. Keep your head up high and keep working on your relationship with your partner. The rest will follow.

Read More »

Your Marriage Matters to Your Children

photo source

Children pick up on emotions even more than adults do. They will notice how you interact with your spouse. A stressful home environment leads to a stressed child. This will carry over to their school work and their relationships with other children. Your marriage will impact all aspects of their lives and obviously, yours. Let’s take a look at a few ways to improve your marriage.

Time with each other

This can be tough, especially if you have young children or school age kiddos. As parents, we get consumed with taking care of our kids. There is so much to do to keep our kids going. There are meals to prepare and endless snacks. Bathing them, doing their laundry, running around town to take them to school and practice. Being a parent will consume your entire day. It shouldn’t though. You and your spouse need time for just the two of you. Aim for 30 minutes each day, but 15 minutes will work. During this time do not talk about work or the kids. This is the time to reconnect with your spouse.

Teach Your Children to Respect Your Spouse

Your child learns behavior from you. They listen to the way you talk and act. If you are disrespectful to your spouse, your child will pick up on that. This can be a huge reason why a relationship can fail.

Imagine living in a house where multiple people are disrespectful to you. This will lead to low confidence and anger.

Remind your child of the important things that your spouse does by praising how hard they work or how nice they are. This will go a long way.

Be a Giver

In a relationship, there is always give and take. The best way to strengthen your relationship is to give. Give your time, give your energy, give your love.

Try to find ways to make your partner’s day better. If they are usually the one who tackles laundry, try doing a load or two for them. The same goes for dishes.

If they have a favorite food or dessert, trying making it for them as a small way to brighten their day. Try to find a way to go out of your way, your partner will notice the extra effort.

Expect Nothing, Absolutely Nothing

This goes hand in hand with being a giver. No matter how much extra you do for someone, do not assume or expect they will do it back. Hopefully, they do, but do not expect that they will.

This will only lead to disappointment. Even if your partner doesn't return the favor, it probably doesn't mean anything negative about the relationship. Your partner could have had a bad day or just not feeling well.

Keep the Bedroom Active and Exciting

So, everyone knows that bedroom activities are important. Its human nature. It needs to happen. That intimate time together helps you to reconnect with your partner. It is important to engage as a couple in a healthy sex life.

Don’t be afraid to spice things up a bit. Depending on your sex life, this can be anything from trying new positions, wearing new lingerie, or for same sex couples, trying one of the strap ons for couples.

No matter what you decide to do, make sure you are hitting the sheets regularly. When there are gaps in your sex life, it can kill your partner's confidence.

Even though most of these things your child will not know about, your child will pick up on small things. They will notice that your relationship is stronger and more positive. It has been proven that children are happier and thrive when their parents are happily married. It has also been proven that children stress less and have better coping skills when their parents have a better marriage.

It is important for children to see a healthy relationship. It will greatly affect the well-being of your child so it is very crucial to know when you need a family counseling. Hopefully, by adding some of these things into your relationship will not only improve your marriage, but also give your child a well rounded life.

Read More »

What To Do If Your Spouse Has A Depression: Comprehensive Advice

Marrіagе and cоmmіtmеnt arе fоr bеttеr оr wоrsе. Dеprеssіоn іs dеfіnіtеly оnе оf thе “wоrsе.” Іt can bе tryіng tо maіntaіn оnе’s оwn оptіmіsm and jоy іn lіfе whеn sоmеоnе yоu lоvе іs undеr a cоnstant clоud. But wіth gооd trеatmеnt, еncоuragеmеnt, and carіng, mоst dеprеssеd pеоplе dо rеcоvеr. Wіth gооd suppоrt, mоst spоusеs overcome difficulties and makе іt as wеll.

Thе symptоms оf dеprеssіоn arе charactеrіzеd by an оvеrwhеlmіng fееlіng оf sadnеss, іsоlatіоn, and dеspaіr that lasts twо wееks оr lоngеr. Dеprеssіоn іsn’t just an оccasіоnal fееlіng оf bеіng sad оr lоnеly, lіkе mоst pеоplе еxpеrіеncе frоm tіmе tо tіmе. Іnstеad, a pеrsоn fееls lіkе he is at a lоw еbb, in a dark hоlе wіth nо way оut and nо hоpе fоr thіngs еvеr changіng.

Bеіng іn a rоmantіc rеlatіоnshіp whеn оnе оf yоu suffеrs frоm dеprеssіоn іs a massіvе challеngе. But dеprеssіоn іsn’t thе fіrst prоblеm cоuplеs havе had, and іt wоn’t bе thе last. Remember, just lіkе any оthеr prоblеm, yоu can strugglе thіs tоgеthеr and wоrk thrоugh yоur prоblеms. There are sоmе tіps and suggеstіоns, but оnly yоu and yоur partnеr can dеcіdе yоur bоundarіеs, yоur cоmprоmіsеs, and what yоu can handlе. Support, mutual understanding and trust are the main features of good relations. Find out more signs she wants a relationship .

Thе fіrst and mоst іmpоrtant thіng yоu can dо іs tо fіnd ways tо rеmіnd yоursеlf that yоur spоusе оr partnеr іs іll, but nоt hоstіlе, nоt stupіd, nоt оut tо gеt yоu, nоt stubbоrn, nоt any оf a dоzеn unfrіеndly thіngs yоu mіght fееl lіkе callіng hіm оr hеr whеn yоu arе at yоur wіt’s еnd. Dіagnоsеd dеprеssіоn іs much lіkе dіabеtеs оr hеart dіsеasе frоm thе pеrspеctіvе that іt іs a chrоnіc іllnеss that rеquіrеs spеcіal attеntіоn and cоnsіdеrablе patіеncе.

Encоuragе your spouse tо gо tо thеrapy.

Yоu can hеlp rеmіnd yоur partnеr tо takе mеdіcіnе, but that dоеsn’t makе іt yоur rеspоnsіbіlіty. Yоu can еncоuragе thеm tо gо tо thеrapy, but thеy alsо nееd tо bе ablе tо takе thеmsеlvеs at sоmе pоіnt. Thіs іsn’t sоmеthіng yоu nееd tо еnfоrcе bеcausе yоu want tо bе callоus оr cruеl, but rathеr bеcausе іf yоu’rе оn thе hооk fоr thеіr еntіrе rеcоvеry. Nowadays, there are great therapies like TMS or Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation which don't even require you to take any medication.

Be a good listener.

Hеlpіng yоur partnеr may іnvоlvе makіng dіffіcult dеcіsіоns sо іt іs іmpоrtant tо shоw thеm that yоu arе оpеn-mіndеd and prеparеd tо cоnsіdеr еvеry pоssіbіlіty – but dоn’t gо alоng wіth lіfе-changіng dеcіsіоns thеy want tо makе whіlе thеy arе stіll fееlіng lоw. Dоn’t tеll thеm thеy havе еvеrythіng gоіng fоr thеm and yоu dоn’t undеrstand why thеy fееl sо lоw – іt’s nоt rеassurіng. But gеntly hеlpіng pеоplе sее thе pоsіtіvеs іn thеіr оwn lіfе may bе bеnеfіcіal. Wоrds arе pоwеrful - rеmеmbеr what yоu say cannоt bе takеn back, bе patіеnt and careful.

Engage in sports activities.

Dо nоt bump іntо actіvіtіеs, hоbbіеs, spоrts, and gamеs that gavе yоur spоusе plеasurе іn thе past. Іnactіvіty іs cоmmоn durіng dеprеssіvе еpіsоdеs and can prоlоng thе dеprеssіvе cyclе.

Еncоuragе hіm оr hеr tо bе physіcally actіvе. Yоu can start wіth sоmеthіng as sіmplе as takіng walks tоgеthеr. As yоur spоusе fееls a bіt bеttеr, yоu can еncоuragе hіm оr hеr tо gеt tо a gym, tо gеt оn a bіkе — anythіng that gеts hіm оr hеr mоvіng.

Put a smile on his face.

Make an еffort tо fіnd thіngs that wіll makе hіm оr hеr laugh. Rеnt a cоmеdy vіdео, sharе a jоkе, dо sоmе gеntlе tеasіng, draw оn yоur оwn sеnsе оf thе absurd. Laughtеr іs thе еnеmy оf dеprеssіоn.

Take care of yourself.

Thе harmful еffеcts оf dеprеssіоn arе nоt lіmіtеd tо thе pеrsоn dіagnоsеd wіth that dіsоrdеr. Clеarly, dеprеssіоn іn оnе marіtal partnеr can affеct that pеrsоn's spоusе. Іn fact, dеprеssіоn іn a marrіagе оftеn dіsrupts cоmmunіcatіоn and sоcіal pattеrns and can еvеn cоntrіbutе tо dеprеssеd mооd іn a "nоn-dеprеssеd" spоusе.

Sо, takе carе оf yоursеlf. Yоu wоn’t bе оf much hеlp tо yоursеlf оr оthеrs іf yоu allоw yоur spоusе’s dеprеssіоn tо еnvеlоp yоu as wеll. Еat wеll. Gеt еnоugh slееp. Stay іn cоntact wіth yоur frіеnds. Cоntіnuе yоur wоrk and sоcіal cоmmіtmеnts tо thе grеatеst еxtеnt pоssіblе.

Read More »

Our 9th Year + 4 Surprises

Yay! It's been more than a week since my last post. August na pala, where did July goes? 

July has been a very busy month. As in, morning palang super busy na. I am back to making bento once again, which will I share to you next naman. But you can follow me at Instagram and Facebook because I post my daily bento baon ideas there. This post kasi is for our 9th wedding anniversary that we had celebrated last July 27. Yep, July 27. So this a super late post.

Like our previous anniversaries, we chose to celebrate our 9th year with a simple dinner at home. Since both of us are busy at work and we have a little boy to attend to, our travel plan did't push through. It's okay for us naman because we still have no househelp and syempre hindi din namin maenjoy if we keep on thinking about our son.  

Ang haba ba ng explanation noh? Anyway, we just had a simple dinner but I got 4 surprises! I cooked spaghetti and we just bought fried chicken.

By the way, those flowers, which was surprise #1, were from Daddy A of course. He seldom gave me flowers because he knows I didn't like it kasi mahal nga, haha. That's why I was surprise when he handed me a bouquet of red and white roses. 

When Matthew saw the flowers, he teased us... "Uy! May nagliligawan!" Haha! 

Of course, I didn't waste this moment and took photos with the roses. Matthew joined me too and he told me pala, "Mommy, gagayahin ko po si Daddy. Magbibigay din ako ng flowers sa asawa ko." Asawa agad talaga anak? Hehe!

Then before having our dinner, we took some photos of the three of us.

This was surprise #2 from our little boy. He told me he can't buy us gift yet kaya heto daw muna.

When we were almost done with our dinner, I saw this on the table in the kitchen. Surprise #3 was this Red Ribbon dedication cake.

I thought the day was over na, but I saw a little box inside my bag. When I opened it, I saw this!

It may not be expensive but it is priceless because of the man who gave me this.

With what Daddy A gave me, naguilty naman ako kasi I didn't have gift for him. So I told him to buy the shoes he wants. Wala kasi ako time to go out even online shopping.

Anyway, more than those material things, it's the time, love, understanding and patient that Daddy A gave me I am most thankful for. I know sometimes I make it hard for him but still he never gave up on me. 

To Daddy A, I want you to know that I appreciate everything you are doing for us. Thank you for everything. I love and will always be here for you no matter what. 

Read More »

On Marriage: Best Marriage Advice

Pahabol lang sa Valentine's Day...

Daddy and I have been married for almost 8 years, and been in a relationship for almost 13 years now. Our love story started from friendship more than 20 years ago. Ang tagal na ano? But even the fact that we started us friends and we have known each other that long, there are still struggles in our marriage. There was time that I almost gave up but still choose to hold on because I realized ours is worth fighting for.

Today, let me share these best marriage advice from unknown author. I have seen this post circulating on Facebook but only now that I got a chance to read, and I find it worth to share.

******

Always answer the phone when your husband/wife is calling and when possible, try to keep your phone off when you’re together with your spouse.

******

Make time together a priority. Budget for a consistent date night. Time is the “currency of relationships” so consistently invest time into your marriage.

******

Surround yourself with friends who will strengthen your marriage and remove yourself from people who may tempt you to compromise your character.

******

Make laughter the soundtrack of your marriage. Share moments of joy, and even in the hard times, find reasons to laugh.

******

In every argument, remember that there won’t be a “winner” and a “loser.” You are partners in everything so you’ll either win together or lose together. Work together to find a solution.

******

Remember that a strong marriage rarely has two strong people at the same time. It’s usually a husband and wife taking turns being strong for each other in the moments when the other feels weak.

******

Prioritize what happens in the bedroom. It takes more than sex to build a strong marriage, but it’s nearly impossible to build a strong marriage without it!

******

Remember that marriage isn’t 50-50, divorce is 50-50. Marriage has to be 100-100. It’s not splitting everything in half, but both partners giving everything they’ve got!

******

Give your best to each other, not your leftovers after you’ve given your best to everyone else.

******

Learn from other people, but don’t feel the need to compare your life or your marriage to anyone else’s. God’s plan for your life is masterfully unique!

******

Don’t put your marriage on hold while you’re raising your kids or else you’ll end up with an empty nest and an empty marriage.

******

Never keep secrets from each other. Secrecy is the enemy of intimacy.

******

Never lie to each other. Lies break trust and trust is the foundation of a strong marriage.

******

When you’ve made a mistake, admit it and humbly seek forgiveness. You should be quick to say, “I was wrong. I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”

******

When your husband/wife breaks your trust, give them your forgiveness instantly which will promote healing and create the opportunity for trust to be rebuilt. You should be quick to say, “I love you. I forgive you. Let’s move forward.”

******

Be patient with each other. Your spouse is always more important that your schedule.

******

Model the kind of marriage that will make your sons want to grow up to be good husbands and your daughters want to grow up to be good wives.

******

Be your spouse’s biggest encourager, not his/her biggest critic. Be the one who wipes away their tears, not the one who causes them.

******

Never talk badly about your spouse to other people or vent about them online. Protect your spouse at all times and in all places.

******

Always wear your wedding ring. It will remind you that you’re always connected to your spouse and it will remind the rest of the world that you’re off limits!

******

Connect into a community of faith. A good church can make a world of difference in your marriage and family.

******

Pray together. 

Every marriage is stronger 

with God in the middle of it.

******

When you have to choose between saying nothing or saying something mean to your spouse, say nothing every time!

******

Never consider divorce as an option. Remember that a “perfect marriage” is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other!
******

You may see us as a perfect couple but no, we are not and will never be because there's no perfect relationship naman. Sabi nga hindi lahat ng nakikita ay totoo at dapat paniwalaan. Every relationship has its hidden flaws. It's up to you if you want to bring it out in public or work it out in private, just between the two of you. Kaya huwag maiingit sa iba :) Instead of looking at others relationship, work on your own relationship to make it better and last until forever. 

Always remember to be patient, be always there to listen and to be a bestfriend to our lifetime partner.

Happy Feb-ibig month!

Read More »

Monday Inspiration: Happy 7/12th to Us

July 27th is the day we chose to risk our long years of friendship for love... And I must say, I never regret it because today is our 7th wedding anniversary and our 12th year of love. 

What we have is not really perfect but our marriage is one of biggest blessings God gave me. I will never stop thanking God for giving me the best partner. I can not think of anyone who can fill the other half of my heart. We may shortcomings and imperfections but at the end of the day, it's the love, trust and respect that makes our marriage stronger and worth fighting for.

With that let me share this great reminder for all of us husbands and wives.

Inspirational Quote about Marriage

Read More »

The 10 Commandments of a Happy Marriage: 1. Prioritize Your Spouse First

When I became a mother, I have to admit that my world revolves around my son. What I am always concern about is his goodness and well-being. I work hard and be a good mom for him. In short, I prioritize my son over everything, next to God.

Like most new parents, when we became a mother or a father, we are overjoyed with the presence of a new being. A beautiful child will always make us happy right? We always say that they can easily take our stress away. We tend to make our world revolve around them. But what about our marriage? Did you know that when we prioritize our children over marriage, we are hurting both your marriage and your children? I didn't know that. My intention is all good, that is to become the best mother but I didn't know that because I always aim to become the best mother, I am forgetting that I need to be a wife too.

What I forgot about is before I became a mother, I am a wife first. And yes, I have neglected my husband most of the times. Unconsciously, he became my last priority. I took for granted that he is my husband. I became so comfortable with the idea that he will always understand me because he loves me and he is my best friend. Only to realize that this man I have known for so many years is slowly becoming a stranger to me. That we didn't notice that we are slowly drifting apart. A sad truth but it's true.

As I always believe, there's no perfect marriage. Trials will always test the relationship. What is important is for us to be reminded that to have a happy marriage, we must know our priorities. And that we must prioritize our spouse first over everything in the family. Next to God, we must let our spouse feel that he is love and appreciated. Many may argue with this idea but come to think of it. Our children are our gift from God. They are given to us for us to love and raise them to become a good person. Eventually, they will leave us. They will find their own partner in life, they will have their own family. But our spouse will be there until the very end, that is if we know how to make them stay in our lives.

Until know I couldn't believe that all the while I thought I am doing my job as a mother and a wife. I am still in denial of the truth that I am almost losing my husband. But thank God I was reminded earlier. Thank God he showed us the value of each self. To make each other feel more important and loved. To have some time alone. To chat and laugh again. To dream together again.

With that let me leave you the first of the 10 Commandments of a Happy Marriage. Violating this first rule may be the reason why many marriages, even of how many years, failed and end.

source

And Momshies, I would love to know your views about who you should prioritize first, next to God, your husband or your children.

Happy Friday!

Read More »

5 Tips On Love and Marriage To Help With The ‘7 Year Itch’

If you are in a relationship, this is something worth reading for :)

***

“Men always want to be a woman’s first love. Women have a more subtle instinct: What they like is to be a man’s last romance.” Oscar Wilde

I would like to share these thoughts on love and marriage that came out of a discussion with my girlfriends one night over a few glasses of wine. I was philosophizing about my husband and I arriving at our first ‘7 year itch’ milestone. In my previous long term relationship that started in high school and lasted all the way through college (amazingly) it was very nearly dead on the 7 year mark that the itch was scratched and I can tell you being in love is wonderful, but by goodness love hurts when it suddenly becomes unrequited.

What Is The ‘7-year Itch’ The ‘itch’ refers to a metaphorical struggle between resisting temptation and thereby remaining faithful or giving into the temptation of an extra-marital affair.

Marilyn personified The phrase ‘7 Year Itch’ has been around a long time in the US but became entrenched in our vernacular in 1955 when Marilyn Monroe appeared in a film by the same name. The iconic image of Marilyn standing over a grate in a white dress blowing up past her knees while the star did her best to hold it down (without moving off the grate) symbolizes the essence of the ‘7 year itch’ – a struggle between pleasure and pain!

Read More »